The End

   Tearing your ACL sucks.  There's no nice way to say it.  Everything about it sucks.  Therapy sucks, surgery sucks, and being a spectator instead of player sucks.  I wish I could say it was a good experience but really it sucks.  Some positive notes, I'm stronger.  I grew up through this process. I've also learned the game by watching.  Don't get me wrong, I would have much rather been playing.  But after six months of riding the bench next to the coaches,  I feel like I would have no problem coaching a team. 

Today, I was cleared to finally play again.  My doctor said to "wean" myself back into the game.  By this, he means playing less than the whole game and building up to playing more and more.  I play in my first game on January 11th.  Am I scared? Not of my knee, more so of failure.  The team I play for is good.  The five starters and especially our freshman point guard (the position I play) are good.  I'm not expecting to be in the first five the day I come back or even the rest of the season.  That's completely out of my control.  I'm just a little worried about expectations of my peers and of our school's fans.  I don't want to disappoint them or myself if I am a step behind at first.

Placing the negative thoughts aside, I am the happiest I have ever been.  I want to thank all of my friends, my teammates, and my family members for being so supportive through all of this.  A huge thanks to my "people" at therapy for pushing and pushing to get the quad strength back.   And I especially want to thank my parents who were truly perfect with everything through all of this.  In some ways,  I think it was harder on them than me.  Most importantly, I thank God for helping me recover in the least time possible and allowing my surgery to go well. It's really all thanks to him.

Thanks for Reading! Hopefully for the last time.

And if you've torn your ACL, just think about this day.  The day when you finally hear the news that you can play again.  I promise it will be the best day of your life.  When therapy is hard and your knee hurts, just think of this day.

Season's Opener Eve

Tonight is the night before our team's first game.  I think I'm going through the stages of depression.  Before the first practice this season, I cried myself to sleep, but right now, I have so much energy I feel like I could go run seventeen miles.  I know that tomorrow is going to be a really tough day and honestly, I'm dreading it.  I've had this dilemma all year.  Do I want one of my few years of high school to go by fast?  The answer is yes.  I have never been more ready to play in a basketball game in my whole life. 

The team we play tomorrow is basically our biggest rival.  They've knocked us out of the Overall State Tournament two years in a row.  They've ended our season every year that I have been on varsity.  I know that it's going to be hard to watch, but I am going to learn and I'll know what to do when we match up with them in post season play.

There's some quote somewhere about how you do not realize how much you love something till it's gone; this is the truest statement ever written.  I loved playing sports.  I love running.  I loved just being able to go outside and play tennis.  The bottom line is that I'm ready to be back.  I'm four months in as of tomorrow.  I've been running and tomorrow I start jumping again.  All I can say is, everyone better watch out on January 15th because I'm taking this irritation out on some poor team.

A Test of Faith

*Recently, we had to write a story to enter into the fair in my town for a writing competition.  I haven't been able to write lately and I hope to be able to sit down and write about watching my first team practice soon. Until then, here's a brief narrative.

          

  It was July 7^th in a Wendy’s when my world came crashing down.  I will always remember that day.  I will always remember that look on my dad’s face and how his voice quivered when he said the two dreadful words, “It’s torn.”

            I had never been so angry at God.  I did not understand why I had to be the one to sustain a major injury.  I was not the girl who thinks she is better than everyone in school.  I was not the girl who drinks and smokes every weekend.  I was the athlete who is humble and goes to church, so why did I have to tear my ACL?  Why did I have to be the one to sit out for six months? Why did I have to be the subject of pain?

            After my family and I found out I had a torn ACL and meniscus, I had one week to prepare for surgery.  During that week, I tried to push all of my thoughts of anger and fear out of my head.  That whole week, I tried to pray for a safe surgery and a speedy recovery, but I felt disconnected.  I felt like God was not listening to me.  I almost thought he just did not care.  The night before my surgery was when I let all of my emotions spill out of the little box I had been hiding them inside.  I wept and wept until it was time for my parents and me to leave for the hospital.

            Before I went in for surgery, my pastor came to pray with me.  I might sound like I had, but I truly had not given up on God.  I was just full of rage with no one to blame.  The pastor, my parents, and I all prayed for a safe surgery and for my anesthesia to work correctly.  Making bargains with God is not the best thing to do, but I was desperate.  I prayed to Him and said that if everything went well, I would tell my story to others.

            This would be a great ending to a sweet story, but unfortunately, my anger did not stop after I came out of surgery.  For about a week after surgery, I was indifferent.  I was thankful that my surgery went well and that my meniscus, after a closer look, was not torn.  One night after another day of depending on my parents to do everything for me, I started to cry.  At this point, I was still sleeping with my mom because I could not get out of bed easily.  My mom started to cry with me.  She kept telling me that there was a reason that this happened to me.  Honestly, I could see no reason why I should not be able to play the sport that I loved for six months.  What could possibly be the reason for that?

            Two months later, on September sixteenth, I can finally say that I know the reason I tor my ACL.  After an ACL reconstruction surgery, a patient has to attend physical therapy for six months.  Once I went to about my fifteenth therapy session, I knew physical therapy was my calling.  During this experience, I was led far away from God.  After finding my way back, I am now a stronger Christian than before.

School: Day 1, Therapy: Stage 2

As most of you probably know, every school in Washington Parish has started. Yes, I did have to wear my beautiful knee brace to school. No, I couldn't fit my school pants around it or my school shorts. Skirt? I can't cross my legs to wear one of those things, but I'm definitely not complaining (not really a skirt person). If you've met the principal at the school, you'd know she runs a tight ship. There was no chance of her letting me wear the cute running shorts that I'm used to wearing! First day of school? I showed up in my crazy long basketball shorts and a collard shirt. Let's just say my first day of school pic wasn't what my mom's friends on Facebook were expecting, but I'm loving it. Basketball shorts=the most confortable things invented!

 One thing I realized at school was how lucky I am to attend my school! I'm walking extremely well now with my brace unlocked, but I still cannot walk at a normal pace yet. Since Bowling Green is so small, I never have to worry about being too slow to make it to my classes. They're pretty much all in one hall. Everyone for the most part knew about my knee. No one was really suprised to see me in the brace and out of uniform except for the new kids. A couple of the new kids in my class gave me some pretty strange looks. Oh and one kid told me that if I was a superhero, my name would be Bionic Knee.

Therapy

 At the four week mark, you start really hitting the grinding point in therapy. That's how I feel at least. My pain is mostly gone at this point, and I'm just ready for this to be over (yes, I know that I still have more than five months left). I can now walk on the treadmill and do wall sits. Walking on the treadmill is about my favorite thing to do even though I still have to wear my brace. On the bright side, I can walk around my house without it. Anyways, I'm able to bend my knee to 145 degrees at the moment! That means I am ahead of schedule!

Since, I can stand now without any pain, I've been going up to the gym while my teammates practice.  It's hard to watch everyone playing pick up games.  I honestly have no idea how much it is going to kill me during the season.  I want to be playing so badly.  I think November and December won't be the easiest months for me.

Sorry, Sorry, Sorry!

I just want to say that I'm really sorry to my physical therapist for not writing in a few days!  She's been having to dodge questions from her friends about how I'm doing since I haven't written anything lately!  Even though she is my best friend's mom and I am pretty open about everything, she can't tell anyone what is going on because of patient/therapist confidentiality. Anyway, I haven't been writing much recently for many reasons.  The first one would have to be the fact that it's Shark Week on Discovery Channel (it's my favorite week of the year).  Also cheerleading -  I'm having to make 30 locker signs (much easier said than done).  And finally, I went on a beach trip this past weekend which is what I'm mainly going to talk about.

If you've ever met me, you would know that playing the "Damsel in Distress" role is NOT my style.  I can't stand crying, laziness, or whining.  So having to have someone help me put on my shoes and shorts at home is not the most fun thing.  The whole thing sounds pretty silly now that I am writing it all down, but the day before we left for the beach, I didn't want to go.  I was worried about having to have my friends put on my shoes and help me get out of the bath tub.  Don't get me wrong, I have the best friends in the world.  They would do anything in the world for me. 

I had decided I wasn't going to go because I didn't want to ruin anyone's vacation when I got to physical therapy on Thursday.  Mrs. Brooke, the lady I talked about above, basically forced me into going! She kept saying how good it would be for me to get out of the parish for a little bit. I'm so glad I went.

The big drawback of going was the fact that I had to walk around with this big old black brace.  The first day we were there (we only stayed for two), I was walking around in the sand with a bikini and a leg brace on! I can't even begin to tell you how many people asked me what had happened and how many crazy stares I received! One teenage guy yelled "Get it girl" at me when we were walking!  I wish I had a picture of what I looked like!

On the second day, I decided not to go down to the beach.  Walking in sand is tiring for someone who hasn't had any knee surgery!  Anyways, later that day before we left, we stopped by to see my friend's aunt and uncle.  They have a boat, so of course I rode on it.  Getting on that boat was horrifying.  As I was getting on, I pictured slipping, hitting my head and never breathing again (I was just a tad paranoid).

Once we were on the boat, Shaye's drove like a mad man! I wanted to wear a life jacket I was so freaked out! We hit bump after bump.  I didn't really hurt my leg too much, but I did feel like my knee was going to dislocate at any moment.

All in all, I had a really fun trip.
 My advice to someone going through this: Do what you want to do, just be smart about how you do it!

Here's a couple of recent pictures! The first is of my cantaloupe sized knee compared to my right knee! The second is of my friends and I on the beach with Black Beauty (my leg brace's name)!

Sunday Funday.....Just Kidding

     I've learned a lot since my surgery, but one really important thing is that I will not ever be addicted to pain killers.  As I mentioned in an entry below, the pills I've been having to take for pain make me sick.  I usually take an anti-nausea pill along with my pain pill, but for some reason, on Sunday morning I forgot.
     Everyone in my church has been extremely supportive and helpful since we found out that I was going to have surgery.  My parents both wanted me to go to church on Sunday to thank everyone for their prayers (and of course to thank God for how well the surgery went).
     When I arrived at church, my stomach started to hurt a little bit, but it usually did if I did not take the anti-nausea pill.  The medicine I was on never actually made me throw up, so I did not think too much about the nausea.  Anyway, I was really happy to see all of my church family and I think/hope they were excited to see me too!  Someone in our congregation mentioned my presence in church that day as a praise, and my pastor even mentioned me by name in our opening prayer.
     As you can tell, I had a lot of attention on me, but I just was not feeling good. The nausea was getting worse, and my mom said I was as white as a ghost.  I finally told my parents that we needed to leave.  Unfortunately we picked a really awkward time to depart.  At my church, unless you've graduated from high school, you're expected to go to the front of the church for the children's sermon.  We decided we would leave during this part.  It's too bad that when I got up to leave, our preacher's wife (she's in charge of the children sermon) thought I was trying to come down to the kid's sermon.  She called my name.  I had to awkwardly hurry out the door with my parents following.
     Once we were on the front church steps, I started to gag.  Mom rushed back in to get a garbage can.  The garbage can arrived in time, but I missed it once, leaving throw up all over the front step of the church.
After I stopped vomiting, Dad had to clean my breakfast up off the steps! It was really really really not a fun experience.  Thank goodness it rained before church let out cleaning up any remain debris.

My advice for people going through this: DON'T BE LIKE ME!! Take all of your medicine! Especially the anti-nausea pill right before church!

Physical Therapy

Day 1 (Wednesday)

I'm one of those odd people who loves to exercise, so I was pretty dang excited to go to rehab on Wednesday (the second day after my surgery).  I was pumped.  I was feeling better.  I had gotten much more sleep than the night before, and I was ready to get out of the bed!  Changing clothes and showering were only minor obstacles I had to face.  I had been doing quad lifts in bed.  I was going to take physical therapy by storm.

Once I got to therapy, my therapist Jessie took of my brace and other bandages off for the first time.  Not going to lie - I was pretty disappointed.  I went through a good deal of pain, and most my stitches are on the inside.  This makes them not even look tough.   Anyway, I got to see how truly swollen my knee and ankle were.  My knee reminded me of something like a cantaloupe.  My ankle was huge, and I still did not have feeling in my foot.  Plus, some of my swelling was pushed to the left side of my leg.  It looks like I have a bone out of place!!

The first exercise Jessie did with me was knee bends.  I was confused because I thought this would tear my ACL again, but Jessie obviously knew what she was doing so I kept my mouth shut.  I could not bend it on my own that day at all, but with Jessie helping me, I could bend it to 82 degrees.  She told me that I was doing good because most doctors do not even allow their patients to go to therapy until a week after their surgery.  That's one reason why I really liked my doctor.  Everyone says he is more aggressive than most surgeons.  Back to the knee bends, we made the goal that I would have 90 degrees with no help by Friday.  I must have agreed to this while my knee was bent.  Once she started helping my straighten it back out, I was in more pain than I had ever felt in my life.  We had to do knee bends three more times, and it was MISERABLE.  I think if I'm ever in agony, I'll think back to that day and I'll just be thankful that I'm not going through the first day of rehab after surgery again.

Day 2 (Thursday)

I was dreading going back to that awful place that I had to call physical therapy.  I love Jessie and all the other ladies there, but I am a tough chick. Yet I wanted to cry like a baby when I had to straighten my leg after bending it.  There really wasn't a chance that I was going to skip or complain to my parents. I just kept the bad feeling in the pit of my stomach to myself.

We did the same things we did on day one: quad exercises, muscle stem machine, and knee bends.  I improved on every exercise that day.  On day one, I couldn't do all my quad exercises by myself.  I finished them all that day.  My therapist even raised the amps on my muscle stem machine too.

In therapy, the amount of degrees you can bend your knee to is a really big deal.  Like I said earlier, our goal was to get my leg to 90 degrees by myself by Friday.  Jessie told me I had to do ten knee bends (keep in mind knee bends are what killed me the day before).  I went up for my first one pretty hesitant.  Surprisingly, when I went down to straighten it, the pain was hardly noticeable!  I wanted to start screaming with excitement because that meant I wasn't going to have to feel what I felt Wednesday anymore!  After doing knee bends ten times, I passed my goal a day early.  I got to 96 degrees by myself and 106 degrees with Jessie's help!

Day 3 (Friday/Today)

Today I was back to my usual excited to be at therapy self! We had already passed our goal for the week.  Jessie and I decided that I would get to 115 degrees by myself and 120 with her help.  It was a little painful, but we reached my goal!

When Jessie said I would get to ride on the bike today, I was pumped.  I got to ride it for three minutes today.  It wasn't the easiest thing I'd ever done, but it wasn't even close to the hardest.  Riding on the bike involves moving your knee to 105 degrees.  I can do this but I can't do it fluently or without pain yet.  I might be getting too eager, but I'm thinking once I can bend my knee to 105 degrees easily, I can start using the bike as a way to get back in shape.  Fingers crossed!

Overall, I had a really good few days at physical therpy.  My advice to anyone who goes through this surgery would be: Don't get discouraged on your first day.  It only gets easier, and its only going to make you stronger.